It is very much like winning the lottery if you’re an avid golfer: A friend calls and says, “guess where we’re going in April!” It is a tradition like no other: The Masters (trademarked). Here are my fresh (first timer) impressions of visiting this storied golf event last week, in no particular order or narrative development:
1. The Masters is a completely analog experience - one of the many rules by which you must abide as a Masters patron (not a guest or fan; only patrons, ever) is that you may not have a cell phone anywhere on the property. Just last week, Mark Calcavecchia (a 13-time winner on the PGA tour) was dismissed from the tournament grounds for either forgetting to leave his cell phone at home, or, less charitably, trying to bring a cell phone on property during tournament play. You may bring cameras during practice rounds but no cell phones ever. Not having my cell phone for 12 hours a day was, honestly, refreshing. You can pay attention to what is in front of you, which is golf. And lots and lots of people. The club does allow one small concession to your otherwise purely analog. They have a few banks of landline phones that you may use, complimentary of course, to call anyone you want. The lines to get on a phone are lengthy. Everyone wants to call someone and the caller ID says "The Masters." The most common type of call made is, “Honey, I’m having a great time. I hope everything is ok at home. Oh, and please don’t look at the credit card statement.” Which brings us to my next observation….
2. The Masters is the apex Temple of Consumerism in the entire history of capitalism- in light of the above rule, you can’t take a selfie. You can’t take videos. You can’t live stream. But you will feel compelled to have something to prove to your friends, loved ones, boss, work colleagues, golf buddies, or any random person that will tolerate your ranting that you actually were AT the Masters! While the Masters plastic beer cups are popular (I saw lots of folks walking around with a stack of at least 10), the far more popular option is to wait in line to get into one of the two merch shops. Here you can buy pretty much anything with a Masters logo on it: hats, shirts, belts, t shirts, jackets, dog bowls, scarves, bottle openers, coffee mugs, golf ball markers, slippers, xmas ornaments, decanters, faux alligator wallets, limited edition putters, dopp kits, cashmere blankets, and the notorious and highly coveted garden gnomes (which I will no longer mention- feel free to google the gnome frenzy that breaks out annually). You wait in line for an hour, sometimes longer, to get your bite of the consumerism apple. They hand you a bag and you impulsively fill it with any item your Masters-obsessed heart desires. “Gosh, does my sister in law (who hates golf) need this Masters- themed tea towel?” So here’s the catch: you’ll probably never get into the Masters again so you should just go ahead and buy it! The formula for Masters revenue-generating success: (lack of digital evidence) + (once-in-a-lifetime ) = $70M or $277 per second. The technology that they use to get people through the check out process and to ship all of the crap you bought but didn’t need is breathtaking and worthy of its own post.
3. The Masters is social propriety writ very large- I am not from the south and do not understand the rules of social engagement (other than to know what the truly venomous “bless your heart” really means). And I don’t know if the Masters is an accurate, exaggerated, or even attenuated version of what southern social graces are. That said, every Masters employee with whom I had a more than transactional interaction (ie when I purchased a pimento cheese sandwich at the concession stand), shook my hand and introduced themselves. For example, there are replica greens at Berckman’s Place (more on this later) where they have caddies to teach you how to putt the infamous Masters greens. Each one doffed his cap, shook my hand, and introduced himself. This happened in the retail shop. It also happened at a nearby golf club where we went to play- a random woman golfer stopped an introduced herself to us four strangers. It felt completely natural, like, this is what how we do things here. Let’s suffice it to say that introverts (like me) might struggle in the south.
4. The Masters is very quiet- I was struck by how quiet the crowd was. You have to strain to hear people whispering next to you. Of course, there would be “golf claps” for well executed shots, and even roars for great ones (which echo across the entire course, prompting a lightning bolt of FOMO to shoot through your veins when it happens and you’re not at the right hole). There were always gently spoken words of encouragement for the passing golfers. There was absolute silence during shots. There was no trash talking. No hoots or hollers for bad shots. No screams of “mashed potatoes!” after a tee shot. There were exactly zero episodes of misbehavior that I witnessed. I didn’t even see anyone who appeared obviously drunk (despite the visual evidence of the tall stacks of beer cups). The overall vibe was deeply respectful. And I loved it.
5. The Masters audience is unbelievably homogenous- “what did you expect?” you may be thinking. I’ve been to several PGA tournaments and even a couple of US Opens. But those don’t compare to the Masters. There were very few folks of color in attendance and it was incredibly conspicuous, to me at least. I’d like to think that I’m pretty comfortable in my Korean skin (I’d better be at this ripe old age) but even I felt just a little out of place. It was a very strange feeling and it really doesn’t bode well for the sustainability of golf as an inclusive sport. I realize the Masters is just one place, one calendar week, one sporting event. But it is so recognizable and iconic that its impact is outsized. If you asked a bunch of kids who golf, which tournament would they want to win, a significant percentage would answer the Masters. I hope they really work on leveling the playing field and ease their grip on how important some of their traditions are. While there are things I absolutely love and respect about the Masters, this isn’t one of them. And with that thought goes my future invitation to join the Augusta National Golf Club.